We’ve lost the ability to argue.

Actually, scratch that.

We have completely and utterly lost all ability to form and carry out a constructive and respectful argument.

(Right now I can feel my husband nodding in furious agreement… I wonder why.)

I was struck with this realisation not from watching our elected leaders during question time, nor turning in to the ABC’s flagship television show Q&A, but rather on a cold and wet Monday night, watching a group of 13-year-old debaters go at it.

Trust me, on the way into the room, dragging two small children behind me who were whinging constantly for food, the last place I wanted to be was watching a discussion about the veritable merits (or otherwise) of same-sex schooling, but my eldest daughter had signed up on the school notice board so a-debating-we-a-came.

Six year eights from two different schools, standing in front of me and fighting for a cause they had been assigned.

And boy. Didn’t they show most of us up.

Granted, it had been a long time since I had been to a formalised debate, and I must admit, I still find some of the rules a little clunky, but that didn’t take away from the fact that, suddenly, an entire room of people had stopped to listen to kids argue for something they didn’t necessarily believe in.

They had to dispute and find merit in a cause they had been randomly assigned … and then they had to fight for it.

And here’s the kicker: they could only do that effectively if they stopped, listened and tried to understand the other side’s point of view.

They had to put themselves in the shoes of the other side so they could prepare thoughtful rebuttals and persuasive arguments.

When was the last time you saw or heard that happening via the sound bites on the news?

When was the last time you saw that play out with our leaders?

I’ll give you tonight’s winning Powerball numbers if you see that regularly on social media.

And that’s what makes the next few months just a little bit scary.

Given we will be going to a referendum on an Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Voice to Parliament, I am gravely worried about how the debate will play out over the coming weeks and months, in the hands of our leaders and in the cesspit of the internet.

It was beautiful in its simplicity and while people didn’t necessarily agree, we all had room to listen and could then empathise.

Polling can be problematic in predicting whether or not a referendum will get up due to a double majority being needed (the majority of Australians as well as a majority of states), there is little doubt we are divided. The people this is for are split, at least to some degree.

However, when you consider we are now trying to find a part-solution to a nuanced issue, using a hard-to-win-with-tool, it’s never been more important to have calm and respectful debate that serves to educate not titillate, inform not incite.

Do you really think we’re going to get that?

Just go back and watch the reactions from some of our Senators the day the referendum legislation was voted in. Not likely.

I was fortunate enough to host a panel discussion for the Prospect Council a couple of weeks ago, where Aboriginal elders invited and challenged a room full of people to ask anything they wanted about their culture.

The questions came thick and fast and covered everything from what do we call you (Aboriginal by the way, not First Nations people) to when do you become an Elder (there’s no specific age).

Considering the questions weren’t vetted, I was a bit nervous.

I hated the idea of witnessing and then having to control some of the vitriol that’s disgracefully indicative of these types of discussions in most other forums.

Instead, there wasn’t any.

It was beautiful in its simplicity and while people didn’t necessarily agree, we all had room to listen and could then empathise.

Then again, this wasn’t an active debate between two ideas: this was an acknowledged sharing of information, where we in the audience were there to learn, because we wanted to.

So maybe that’s the only way we’re going to be able to make up our minds on this.

(And it’s important to note that in this instance the ‘we’ I’m referring to are those of us who’ll not be represented by this particular Voice.)

Rather than listening to a short grab on the nightly news, opinions cached in biased print, in stories thrown up courtesy of social media algorithms, we actually need to take time, to seek out and ask for more information.

It’s either that or I’ll ring up the winning debaters from Glenunga High to see if they are available to run the country – at least until the day after we decide.

Ali Clarke presents the breakfast show on Mix 102.3. She is a regular columnist for InDaily.