It happened.

I knew it was coming.

As inevitable as the Trojans leaving the big wooden horse really, but I had still held out hope my child would somehow be different.

All the years of careful encouraging, sculpting and cajoling, hoping against hope that all of our parenting skills were sending him in the right direction.

But alas, it was all for nothing, because the other night, my 11 year-old came home and asked for a bottle of Prime.

For the uninitiated – who at this stage must be those of you that don’t get on YouTube, don’t work restocking grocery shelves nor listen to any pre-teen or teenage boy – Prime is the latest drink on offer that promises to hydrate you awesomely*.

More to the point, Prime is the brainchild of YouTubers KSI and Logan Paul, who have around 40 million subscribers following their every move.

And that’s just on their main YouTube channels.

Think those fancy schmancy Frank Green bottles with pimples and without the environmental promise.

This stuff is the toilet paper of the next generation, with kids (and their parents) storming Woolies and Coles everywhere, just so they can get their hands on it and try as I might, I still haven’t been able to find evidence it gives you much more than 10 per cent coconut water and some extra electrolytes.

Despite this, Prime has become so popular, re-sellers have sprung up all over the place.

One I found was offering a twelve pack of the Strawberry Watermelon bottles at the bargain basement price of $179.99.

I say bargain because that was reduced from $499.98

You read that correctly.

Now, disastrously, my son now wants to be one of them.

Why?

Well, even though he doesn’t really know who KSI and Paul are, his mates do, and one of them bought a Prime drink to school and so now the ‘need’ to have it has rushed through the playground, quicker than these blokes to their bank.

Yes people, we are now living in a world where collaborations (YouTubers McBeast and PewDiePie, who each have over 100 million subscribers, jumped on board and tried it) will change the recommendation algorithm for viewers, meaning that if your kid tunes in to these guys, they will keep being primed for Prime.

Throw in a little scarcity marketing and they’ve clicked over $375 million in retail sales in a single year.

Of course this is what marketing is all about, but for some reason it feels a bit different from the days we wanted to “Be Like Mike’ in our Air Jordons or rushed out to buy the latest Coca-Cola YoYo after the demonstration team came to our school.

This stuff of 2023 is absolute genius.

Try as I might, I still haven’t been able to find evidence it gives you much more than 10 per cent coconut water and some extra electrolytes

Two normal looking guys – scratch that; marketers and content creators – who, after goading each other into an amateur boxing match (the rematch a year later was promoted as “the biggest internet event in history” and “the biggest amateur boxing match in history” by them) end up wanting a piece of the lucrative drinks market.

January 2022, they join together in a much hyped Instagram video where everyone is expecting the announcement of another fight and instead, they join together and launch their drink brand.

The Prime website reads:

We created PRIME to showcase what happens when rivals come together as brothers and business partners… As underdogs, we always cherish the opportunity to show the world what’s possible. ​

The shockwaves were instantaneous and for those of us not in the demo, it’d be like Rocky and Drago coming together and making a hot dog flavoured Borscht.

Whether we like it or not, these lads have long since given up underdog status (if they ever actually had it) and instead, that now firmly resides with the parents of the young (predominantly) boys and men who are now searching out this elusive drink.

When I spoke to the dad of the lucky kid at our school, he said he had travelled to no fewer than five different stores to try to find it.

My reaction was a mixture of laughter and wonderment that he had the time and didn’t just say no.

So back to my boy?

Well, he got the lesson my parents gave me when I begged and begged for a Cabbage Patch Doll, which despite the passing of decades and change of desired item can still be summed up by two statements:

One: ‘Kid, if you’re thirsty drink water’.

And two: ‘If little Jenny jumped off a cliff, would you?’

His reaction and eye-rolling showed me that yes, he would if it meant he could walk around the school yard with this drink in his hand.

So the result?

I’m the most unpopular parent around and I’m actually pretty OK with that.

Although maybe I need to start marketing myself on YouTube.

*May or may not do that, I’m just presuming as I can’t actually find any to buy.

***Oh and parents, just a heads up; If your kid comes home with a Prime Energy drink (NOT Prime Hydration), rip it from their hands as it has six times the amount of caffeine as a can of Coke, so is not allowed to be sold in Australia. Of course that doesn’t necessarily stop internet sales.

Ali Clarke presents the breakfast show on Mix 102.3. She is a regular columnist for InDaily.