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The Outsider: Beauty queens, 'garriage' and bottom feeding


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Today, mistaken identity and beauty queens, supporting gay marriage (kind of…), an old-fashioned rant, and – racist, moi?

World peace

News editors’ nightmares usually involve what’s called “production errors”, where words like “not” go missing or the picture that’s captioned “Prime Minister Gillard” is actually a serial killer from Toronto.

It happens.

So we had a wry smile this week when our learned friends at The Advertiser stuck a picture on Nicolle Flint’s weekly column that looked very different to the Ms Flint we know and love.

A quick Google search showed the image they used was a Nicole Flint, otherwise known as Miss South Africa (and who’s unlikely to have a view on the dangers of South Australia’s state debt levels).

A bevy of potential Advertiser columnists.

A bevy of potential Advertiser columnists.

It’s an understandable error, given the sub-editor probably hasn’t met either the Adelaide Nicolle or the South African Nicole.

It did, however, give us an idea that The Advertiser might wish to pursue – recruiting international beauty queens to write incisive, analytical columns.

After all, they seem to have vast reserves of wisdom.

For example, here’s Lauren Ashley, Miss Beverley Hills, on gay marriage: “I feel like God himself created mankind and he loves everyone, and he has the best for everyone. If he says that having sex with someone of your same gender is going to bring death upon you, that’s a pretty stern warning, and he knows more than we do about life.”

And here’s Lauren Caitlin Upton, Miss Teen USA, when asked to comment on a poll that showed one in five Americans can’t locate the U.S. on a map: “I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as in, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq and everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our children.”

Or Carrie Prejean, Miss California, on breast implants: “No, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting breast implants as a Christian. I think it’s a personal decision. I don’t see anywhere in the Bible where it says you shouldn’t get breast implants.”

And Nadia Tenaga, Miss Hawaii, on … something: “We are truly the land of the great. From the rock shores of … Hawaii … to the beautiful sandy beaches of … Hawaii … America is our home.”

Plus Jeannie Anderson, Miss Phillipines, on the question: would you rather be more smart, or more beautiful? “Well, I’d rather choose to be beautiful, um because, to be beautiful it’s natural. But being smart you can learn … you can learn, um a lot of things … a lot of things from the experience … you can learn from a lot of things being smart.”

But the last word goes to the Miss Panama contestant, who gave this golden response when asked about the thoughts of Confucious: “Good evening, Panama. Confucius was one of whom invented confusion and that’s why, uhh … One of the most ancient, he was one of the Chinese … Japanese who were one of the most ancient. Thank you.”

LaurenCaitlinUptonLove and garriage

Liberal member for Adelaide Rachel Sanderson is somewhat famous for her stance on gay marriage.

Keen readers will recall that she surveyed her constituents about the topic, including asking whether using the term “garriage” would make gay marriage more acceptable (does that mean you get “garried”?).

In an interview with InDaily’s Liam Mannix last year, she revealed she supported gay marriage personally – but wouldn’t vote for it.

Rachel Sanderson. Photo: Nat Rogers / InDaily

Rachel Sanderson. Photo: Nat Rogers / InDaily

“As the Member for Adelaide I’m not here to represent my view. I’m here to represent the view of the people I represent. And at this point those people are not ready.”

However, this didn’t stop her replying “yes” when gay marriage activists came calling ahead of this Saturday’s election.

She’s now listed on the Australian Marriage Equality website as a supporter of gay marriage, after responding in the affirmative to their survey.

Which is true. She just won’t vote for it.

Lowest common denominator

Labor knew exactly what is was doing this week when it put out a flyer designed to damage Liberal candidate for Elder Carolyn Habib.

You will recall that the cover had the text, “Can you trust HABIB?”, transposed over a broken brick wall covered in pock marks that could be interpreted as bullet holes.

Some people – including Liberal senator Cory Bernardi – questioned how this could be perceived as “racist”, as Habib claimed.

However, few journalists believed Labor’s protestations that it was just a standard piece of campaign mail. This was due to the fact that so many had been told by Labor players that someone with a name like “Habib” was unlikely to win a seat like Elder.

The Outsider hears that it wasn’t uncontroversial internally which goes to show that Labor hasn’t completely lost its senses, but also that desperate people sometimes do disgraceful things.

As former Labor minister and outgoing member for Elder Pat Conlon said on radio FIVEaa this morning: “If Cory Bernardi is in your corner, it’s time to change corners.”

Party pooper

It’s wall-to-wall excitement at FIVEaa about the Adelaide Oval.

The brekkie team are excited, and Rowie and Bone are beside themselves – after all, a big footy season usually means big ratings for the talk’n’sport station.

However, the grumpy meat in the FIVEaa sandwich – afternoons presenter Will Goodings – is less than enthused.

In fact, his blood is boiling.

In a lengthy rant yesterday, he described the renovated Oval as “lunacy” and akin to “stopping off to buy a Rolls Royce on the way to declaring bankruptcy”.

“We are a welfare dependent state with the worst unemployment of all mainland states, our economy is going backwards, the bottom line is blowing out and four years ago this weekend we decided ah, stuff it, we’re going to build a new stadium anyway, after all 50,000 people out of one point of six million will get to enjoy it every week. The oval is a cautionary tale of shiny objects in election campaigns and we get sucked in by parties who promise to treat us on our own dime.”

Goodings, until recently, worked in media liaison for the Liberals.

Not that we’re holding that against him – some of our best friends are former spin doctors.

The Outsider’s election tip

We’ve always loved the song “Landslide”. The Dixie Chicks version.

Banjos and bitterness, can’t get enough.


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