Today, The Outsider considers democracy Burnside-style, scientific proof of where to find Adelaide’s hottest singles, and – “cop this!” – puns-a-plenty as a meth-taking Barnesy fan abandons the cheap wine.

Democracy: Burnside style

The Burnside Council is not an Adelaide institution that has been well-known for its exemplary media management skills over the years.

In this light, The Outsider was interested to see its media management policy up for review at this week’s meeting.

Would they modernize? Change direction? Push the council towards a glorious new world of transparent and accountable local government?

Yeah, no.

The document – previously unfamiliar to us – is very curious, and possibly sheds some light on the “quality” of debate among the good burghers of Burnside in recent years.

As well as the usual depressing guff about council members not presuming to speak on behalf of the council blah blah blah, it also essentially bans elected members from entering into public debate about forthcoming issues on the council’s agenda.

“If questioned by the media on their opinions regarding business yet to come before Council, Elected Members should refrain from commenting to remove the risk of prejudicing the business in the Chamber,” the policy states.

A recipe for healthy democracy? Rise up Burnsideonians and protest!

For the record, the changes to the 2006 policy included italicising a phrase, knocking out an erroneous capital letter, and providing further instructions on what panicked staff should do when they are confronted with a poisonous snake. Errr – sorry, journalist (they have to run off and report the sighting to the corporate comms manager).

Put a ring on it

Bernard Salt, a well-known public speaker about demographic issues, has been caught up in bachelor fever.

The Advertiser has given us their hot lists of local bachelors and bachelorettes, but Salt has offered some more practical information.

Speaking at that hot-bed of hunks and honeys – the Public Libraries SA Conference – in Adelaide this week, Salt offered this information from the 2011 Census.

Bernard Salt: he’s tracked down Adelaide’s singleton hotspots.

“I’ve scanned every suburb, neighbourhood across the Adelaide metropolitan area in order to find Adelaide’s bachelor hotspots,” he said, apropos of nothing.

“Where is the highest concentration of eligible bachelors in Adelaide? Young, 25-35, five years either side of prime marrying age, single, separated, divorced –  these boys are on the market. The highest concentration of eligible young bachelors with an absence of young women. The highest ratio of single men to single women is concentrated in Vale Park. 1.56:1. Clearly the Vale Park Pub is the place to be on a Friday night. It’s about three bachelors to two single women.

“You can do exactly the same analysis for women, for eligible young women relative to eligible young men, is to be found in the suburb of Glenside, 1.34:1. The midpoint between Vale Park and Glenside is Trinity Gardens, so the Trinity Gardens pub on a Friday night is the place to be.”

Trinity Gardens pub? By The Outsider’s calculation, the midpoint between Glenside and Vale Park – as the crow flies – appears to be Magill Road’s Alma Tavern, owned by Mark Ricciuto.

You read it here first.

Get thee to a punnery

Barnesy: Better with or without meth?

Cop this, pun lovers!

The popular and entertaining official SA Police Facebook page has made the following arresting post today.

When it comes to puns, they’re armed and dangerous! Watching Barnesy on meth – whatever happened to Cheap Wine?

Jimmy Barnes Concert – Simply the Best!

Gawler Police (Working Class Man) say the Jimmy Barnes concert held last night at Princess Park, Gawler was well behaved.(Good Times) A crowd of about 600 attended with only one man arrested (Gotcha) for street offences after he was removed from the concert by security officers. (Aint no second prize) Police also stopped a driver leaving the event who returned a positive drug swipe for methamphetamine! (Higher)