‘Twas the night before Christmas, and best we could see

Not a creature was stirring in our CBD

Families were huddled in homes, sight unseen

In hopes that they wouldn’t catch COVID-19

The children were nestled all snug in their beds;

Well away from the places that spark super-spreads

And with Mali in iso, and Jay in Tom’s Court

Labor’s brains-trust had settled to withdraw support

The Government watched the case numbers with dread

While visions of polling day danced in their head;

For in the electorate there arose such a clatter

It wasn’t too hard to see what was the matter

The AHA lobbied for strictures to ease

But instead found their members were feeling the squeeze

As the state went to ‘COVID Lots’ from ‘COVID Zero’

And Marshall went much the same way, ‘Nought’ from ‘Hero’

As, aiding an overall sense of disorder,

Was mixed information on closing the border

And quarantine mandates went down, up and back

‘Twas hard to know whether the plan was on track

For the Delta strain all of our modelling was on

Was all but usurped by the new Omicron

When what to our wondering eyes did appear,

But a Premier with plans for a COVID New Year

His Committee they met at State Admin Headquarters

As he called them by name to account to reporters

‘Now Spurrier! Now Stevens! Let’s test ‘em and blitz ‘em!

‘Now Wade and McGowan! Let’s ease some restrictions!

‘At Victoria Park they’ll be lined up in cars,

But no dashing or dancing or prancing in bars!’

And while the state fawned under SAPOL authority

The elected Lib Government slid to minority

With Cregan in Kavel and Duluk in Waite,

And Ellis and Bell with their scheduled court date,

When Chapman’s stalled port on KI did impede her

The Libs had to find a new deputy leader

With DVHP nudging out David Speirs

The party’s now hoping the storm disappears

And Teague taking over, for a few pre-poll hours,

Vickie’s ministry (or, rather, its functions and powers)

So with chaos in politics and broader SA

It’s time to lay low for a quiet Christmas Day

After pandemic hijinks throughout 2020

‘21’s been no fun, and there’s still angst aplenty

As ’22 dawns; but fear not, give a whistle

And fire up the grill with a snag or a rissole

As we face the new year with resolve and persistence

And gather with loved ones, at appropriate distance

And hope that our hospitals aren’t overloaded

Happy Christmas to all, and bugger off COVID!

Tom Richardson is a senior reporter at InDaily. 

Additional reporting by Clement Clarke Moore.