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Sir Outsider verily takeths the Meical


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Today, The Outsider asks: is Parliament House haunted, does one sausage make a barbecue, when is a magazine like a Mars bar, and what happens when you catch someone who’s robbed a sperm bank?

Wailing and gnashing of teeth

Does Parliament House have a ghost?

Many staff who work there are wondering after they heard a terrible sound echoing through the corridors on the Monday after the election.

It sounded like anguished screaming and tortured yelling and it seemed to be coming from the offices of the Opposition, although it could be heard on many levels of the gracious old building.

What happens at corridor drinks, stays at corridor drinks.

What tortured entity was haunting the Opposition’s offices on the Monday after the election?

Minus todger

A knavish lad has graced Adelaide Oval with his nude form this week, thus becoming the first streaker at the rebuilt arena.

This seems almost too easy, but we feel compelled to point out that the officer commenting to the media about the case was one Superintendent Adcock.

“While this man may have the kudos of being the first streaker on the new Adelaide Oval, let’s hope he is the last,” Adcock said.

He’s not the first Adcock to vanquish something offensive from the centre of the Oval.

In the 1960s, dashing defender Brenton Adcock helped Sturt to four consecutive SANFL grand final victories at the Oval against the dark hordes from Port Adelaide.

Sausages are welcome at tailgate parties - but not on the ground.

Sausages are welcome at tailgate parties – but not on the ground.

Our favourite Knight

All this talk of Knights and Dames has got us all nostalgic about one of Adelaide television’s greatest ever moments.

Back in 1976 morning television in Adelaide was dominated by the regal Jaye Walton and her very proper show “A Touch of Elegance“, aimed firmly at the ladies of the eastern suburbs.

In a piece of cross-promotion for a Barry Humphries special to be screened on Channel 10 one night in ’76, the man himself was booked for an interview.

He decided to appear not as Dame Edna nor as himself, but in the character of Sir Les Patterson – a contrast with Walton that led to one of the most legendary interviews in Adelaide media history.

Walton, being a pro, kept going stoutly, despite Sir Les getting very blue (particularly for 1976 and the time-slot).

The most cringingly perfect moments? It’s a toss up between when he claims the “Life. Be in it.” slogan was a cleaned up version of his own motto,  “Life. Be up it.”; and his classic “sperm bank” joke – “Imagine some bloke robbing a sperm bank! They would catch him white-handed I suppose!”

Some genius has uploaded the whole thing. Go here and enjoy.

Jaye Walton and Sir Les Patterson

Jaye Walton and Sir Les Patterson

Mars Bar marketing

Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp has decided that we need a funky, super-cool publication all about the newly envibrantised city of Adelaide.

Something for the kids.

News didn’t say so, but it appears the new publication – The City – is a spruce up of the City Messenger (minus the ‘Messenger’ bit, but still with the supermarket catalogue in the middle, sadly for aesthetes).

It’s for all of us hep-cats who “work, study, live and play” in the city and highlights the right-on places to shop and other groovy on-trend stuff such as “new bars and eateries creating a new vibe for city dwellers and city goers”.

Now, yes, we know that Citymag already exists, but that is specifically for people who believe that “the city is the best place to live, work, study and play”. There’s a subtle difference.

Now, yes, hold on – we know there’s also CitySA magazine, but its cover says “eat… shop… play… live… work… in the city”.

The differences are subtle, but we’re a subtle city, if not positively obscurantist.

The Outsider appears in InDaily every Friday.

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