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The Outsider: Burghers, F-bombs and fundament

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Today, Goersy drops the F-bomb, Adelaide’s top 10 burghers (is yours here?), the comic ‘genius’ and the pollie separated at birth, an election degustation menu and much more.

Rock of f#%*ing ages

“Hi Ho Every F@#$ing Body!”

It was a very early start for ABC evenings announcer Peter Goers this morning as he trundled down to the Clipsal track in his “heritage” Volvo to join Matt Abraham and David Bevan’s breakfast broadcast from the pits.

Clearly, the early mornings are not Peter’s best time of day.

Clad in a dressing gown, Goers drove into the Volvo team’s headquarters so the race mechanics could give his 1979 model a once-over. When the Volvo mechanic declared on air that Goers’s next stop should be the wrecker’s yard, he replied: “I’ve had it for f***’n ages”.

There were immediate apologies and, shortly after, Goers drove off – heading back to bed we assume.

It came as a relief for presenter David Bevan who welcomed the departure “considering the damage he’s done to this program in the last 20 minutes”.

Goers can take solace in the fact that while such a misdemeanour would have incurred a suspension or sacking in years past, these days it’s more of a mild amusement.

Back in the Collinswood studios, there’s a nervous program producer who will be asked to explain why the seven second ‘delay and dump’ button wasn’t engaged.

Outside broadcasts are risky affairs and the Goers effort is up there with the day an ABC sports broadcaster had problems with the term “punt kicker” which almost topped the time a demure young female newsreader described her previous night’s passionate escapade to a colleague, assuming her microphone was off.

Breakfast with blight!

Peter Goers and his Volvo, in a photo tweeted this morning by the ABC.

Peter Goers and his Volvo, in a photo tweeted this morning by the ABC.

X-rated

There must have been a few squirmy moments yesterday among the vast array of Liberal state election candidates who are also elected local government members.

Their leader Steven Marshall had a crack at council rate increases outstripping the cost of living, promising that an external regulator will set a cap for rate rises.

Up north, where Playford mayor Glenn Docherty is hoping to win the seat of Newland for the Liberals, the announcement must have sounded like fingernails on a blackboard.

A council report last year found that Playford was charging business rates double the metropolitan average.

And back in 2012, Playford was forced to back down from a whopping 9 per cent rate increase, pruning it to a mere 6.3 per cent.

At he time Docherty cried poor.

“We’ve got to cover the costs that are rising in waste, in water and the regulatory environment that comes forced on us by the State Government,” he said. “There’s a number of new services that our community is asking for and we need to fund those.”

Quite.

Mucketty muck muck

The scuttlebutt is flying thick and fast behind the scenes as the election nears.

Anonymous envelopes containing “tips” about candidates are being sent to select scribes, and scurrilous stories about certain figures and public behaviour are flying around political circles.

While the more lurid of the tales are somewhat difficult to believe, there are some very nervous political nellies out there as the election draws closer.

Maybe they just need a lie down?

Separated at birth

It’s been staring us in the face for years, but we’ve only just grasped it.

We give you – American comic actor Rob Schneider (star of Deuce Bigalow: American Gigolo) and Family First MLC Dennis Hood.

Or is it just us?

separated

Piercing insights

News Corp business analyst Terry McCrann today provides Advertiser readers with this illuminating assessment of Qantas’s woes: “The problem is, simply and undeniably, that the airline has more dollars going out in costs than are coming in as revenue.”

Qantas yesterday announced a $252 million half-year loss.

So. Yeah.

Top 10 Adelaide burghers

Here’s our list – have we missed your favourite?

burger

10: “All set for the master to get his 100th ton at Adelaide Oval – just before the good burghers of #Adelaide wreck the joint.” Chris Kenny, Twitter, January 2012.

9: “The picture of a duck on a yellow background means that if you don’t stop and you do run over a duck then you are advised that the good burghers of Adelaide will summarily hang you from the nearest tree.” gdt, the Australian Cycling Forums website, January 2009.

8: “The good burghers of Adelaide will never change.” Patrick, The Punch, October 2011.

7: “Let’s hope the good burghers of Adelaide are smart enough to consign that kind of insanity to the dustbin of stupid ideas.” Stan Denham, Adelaide Now, August 2013.

6: “Charles Cameron Kingston was a remarkable politician who strode boldly across public life at the turn of the century, fractiously and recklessly defying the staid burghers of Adelaide.” Simon Cameron, Silent Witnesses: Adelaide’s Statues and Monuments, 1997.

5: “Then Don Dunstan bravely appeared in public in shorts before the startled burghers of Adelaide …” Ian Lowe, A Voice of Reason: Reflections on Australia, 2011.

4: “It was a triumph of sorts for the happy burghers of Adelaide, who may have been more interested at the time in the cricket and allowed the moment to pass them by. Sadly, it was not a triumph for Adelaide ‘s sellers of books, CDs and DVDs, who left over 5,000 visiting Wagnerites with nothing to charge on their VISA cards as they wandered the streets forlornly searching through second-hand bookshops for something to sate their aroused shopping genes.” Wagner Society of NSW, President’s report, 2005.

3: “The burghers of Adelaide know well the progressive-dinner formula…” Barbara Santich, the Fifth Symposium of Australian Gastronomy, 1990.

2: “God knows what the suburban burghers of Adelaide will make of it all but that’s precisely the point.” Rupert Christiansen, The Spectator, 1995.

1: “The good burghers of Adelaide seem to be far more discriminating than the residents of Sydney.” Jenny Hutchinson, The Big Picture on the Small Screen, 1989.

Fantasy state election degustation

While we’re in the midst of the Festival, the election campaign and an explosion of pretentious fine dining, we’ve put together our very own fantasy election degustation.

Perhaps don’t read before lunch.

 

Fear and smear

Offal, jalapeno, chocolate

 

False premise

‘Fruits’ of forcemeat

 

Special sandwich

Stone ground sourdough, ‘River of Fundament’

 

Twitterati

Partridge, champagne ‘saliva’ speckles

 

Jay’s prescription

Soft polenta, gold leaf, tripe

 

Liberal costings

‘Magic’ pudding du jour

 

Confected outrage

A selection of fools and tarts

 

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